When things feel heavy

June 06, 2019

Take a deep, deep breath. Fill these lungs, feel this chest inflate, expand. Feel this heart. Maybe there will be pain. Tightness, a persistent stabbing. Breath into this. Fill this body with this breath, feel it swirl warm and gentle throughout this chest and this body, massaging and caressing this heart. Let it into those deepest cracks where the pain is tightest, most tender. Let the warmth surround and nourish and hold this heart in the gentlest embrace. Let the healing into these lungs and fill this head. Feel the lightness in the temples, behind the eyes, in the brain. Allow a small smile to come to these lips, as the warmth fills this body, nourishing this sweet soul.

This will not stop the pain, but it will help heal it. It will bring space to the pain, let this pain be felt, be seen, be known. Be accepted, be loved. Sit with it, acknowledge it, give it affection, gentleness. Hug it with each warm, full breath. Let it come up, let it be known. Let yourself feel it deeply and with whole-hearted lovingkindness. As if you are comforting a small child, or a close lover, hold this self and this pain with the deepest love there is, in unconditional self-love.

You are deserving of love and you are surrounded by love.

Know that there is always happiness to be felt, that there is peace to be felt, and that joy will be felt again. Happiness will be known again. Real, sustained, happiness. It will come. Peace is everywhere. It is in the rustle of the leaves in the backyard and the gentle breeze on the skin. It is in the safety of being with loving friends. It is in memories of you that come and go throughout the day.

I do not know what you are feeling. Maybe it is an intense, overwhelming grief, all-encompassing. Maybe it is a numbness of any feeling. Maybe it is a deep, dragging heaviness that burdens this heart and makes happiness feel impossible. Whatever you feel, that is okay. That is right. Nothing that you are feeling is wrong in any way. Be with it, trust and allow these feelings to be. Listen and acknowledge and hold what is here with self-love, with compassion. And know that there will be happiness again. This too will change.

When you feel like crying, then cry. Listen to this body, this heart, and this throat. Write what is swimming in this head, what’s swelling in this mind, what is nestled or tearing in this heart. Bring it out of the dark and into the light. Cry alone. Cry with someone. Cry in someone’s arms. Call someone you love and cry to them. Watch a sappy movie and let the tears flow. Do not swallow what is coming up from the heart, what is lodged in the throat, let it move, let it rest, let it have space. Do not feel like you have to explain yourself or be something for anyone. This is for you. Allow yourself to feel intense love for those around you. Let yourself be vulnerable. Feel the connectedness you have to those around you. They are there for you and they love you.

Know that it is okay to feel withdrawn. To feel drained, subdued, muted. To feel like you are not being the person that you want to be. That is okay. You feel and be and do exactly what you are right now. Maybe another day you will feel more yourself, more whole. Tell others when you are feeling like shit, when you are most vulnerable and sad. Let them know. Let them in. Let them care for you, let them carry you. Let them remind you what it is like to be your whole self.